Mental Health and Happiness: Latest Video Discussion With Dr Ken Larsen.

Sharing my own personal struggles in maintaining mental health as well as my first hand experiences in an effective application of Choice Theory in my daily life. Click the link below to watch the video.

http://mentalhealthandhappiness.com/profiles_johana-johari/

Realistic Ideals and Idealistic Realities

Through his theory on Reality Therapy, Dr. William Glasser explains that most negative and/or abnormal behaviours are merely symptoms of unhappiness. This unhappiness stems from many of the basic needs not being met in one's life. In our ideal world, we have significant people in our lives, places and material things and last but not least, our values and belief system. When our ideal world does not match our reality, we will employ all kinds of negative behaviours as a way to control our reality just so that it will match our ideal world. This is called External Control Psychology. Parents scold their children for misbehaving. Teachers will threaten and punish when student don't do their homework. Both parents and teachers can vouch that external control psychology only works for a while. Pretty soon, its effectiveness will wane.

To cite an example of a character taken from a movie, Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good As It Gets" displays symptoms that can be diagnosed as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He chooses to behave this way, sticking religiously to rituals of latching his door three times, switching his lights on and off three times, and other eccentric looking practices, just so that he wouldn't have the time to dwell on the fact that he has noone to love and noone to love him. He is lonely. What is tragic about this character is that it is based on a real life person! The hassles of performing his rituals daily is nothing compared to the pain of his loneliness.

In my ideal world, my parents are still married to each other, loving each other and our family in perfect harmony. But in reality, my parents divorced when I was just 13 years old. Although they are no longer married to one another, my parents do get along very well. Looks like they are better off as friends rather than as spouses. In my ideal world, my brothers and their families get along famously with myself and my family. But in reality, a few years ago, my brothers and I have had a few clashes. I chose to try depressing, angering and crying. Mind you, none of these behaviours worked! But when I gave up trying to match my reality to my ideals, I felt it easier to accept things as the way they were. And to my surprise, things did work out eventually for all of us. Because I chose to stop trying to control the choices and behaviours of those I love and focused more on controlling my own behaviour and wishing things to be the way i wanted them to be.

This is an example of how we choose our behaviours and the choices we make all in the name of being idealistic. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with being idealistic and having ideals. But it is healthier for us to not behave in ways to control others to behave the way we want them to behave. We get angry with friends, family and children because we hope that our angering will be produce better behaviour from them. That means to be a controlling freak! I admit, for many years, I was just that - a controlling freak. But, thanks to knowledge of psychology and Choice Theory, I have learned that everyone likes to be in control of something or someone, but noone likes to be controlled!

I have learned to accept that although I may have some significant people in my ideal world, it is ok for me not to be in their ideal world. I have come across many people who are often depressed, angry, frustrated and hostile just because their ideals and reality don't quite match. And when they fail to control those they wish to control, the above feelings get magnified a million times. Some of their unhappiness may manifest itself in the form of physical pain that has no physiology to it, i.e; they've gone to their doctors for cures but no medication would work. Aches and pains that has no physiological reasons to them can be termed as fibromyalgia or psychosomatic pains. When they choose to think more positively, they will feel and behave better, and those mysterious aches and pains will magically disappear!

There are those who are close to my heart and mean the world to me who are showing symptoms of unhappiness. They relentlessly try to control those around them and when all else fails, they begin behaving in ways that drive even the most loyal and loving away from them. Sadly, they don't realise what they are doing to themselves. My fervent wish is to be given the opportunity by Allah to help them see themselves and their lives from a different angle.

So, next time when you are feeling angry, upset, frustrated or flabbergasted, ask yourself, "What is it that I really want? Am I hungry or in pain? Whose behaviour is it that I am trying so hard to control? Whose behaviour can I really control? Is this behaviour going to help me get what I want? Is there another behaviour that I can choose that would yield the results that I want?"

Next time a massive urge to control someone other than yourself rises to your throat that makes you wanna just shout in anger, my prescription to you is this: just grab the TV's remote control and switch channels. That way, you won't be chasing all those you love out of your life. And then, only then, will you have all those you love around you and you will feel loved. Below, I have listed out the Seven Deadly Habits that can ruin any relationship and Seven Caring Habits that can enhance and repair any relationship. Give it a go! What have you got to lose?

Seven Deadly Habits:
Criticising
Blaming
Complaining
Nagging
Threatening
Punishing
Bribing or rewarding to control

Seven Caring Habits:
Supporting
Encouraging
Listening
Accepting
Trusting
Respecting
Negotiating differences

"If I choose all that I do, maybe I can choose to do something better."

Change of Principle Contact Number

Please be informed that the principle contact number has been changed to +6018-9136688 effective from 1st January, 2015. Location of the office remains the same.

Thank you.

Mental Health and Happiness Online Summit

Here is a recorded video interview between Dr Anasuya and me. Do take the time to watch. Maybe you will find something that you can learn to be happier.

Mental Health Awareness Month 2014: Mind Your Health

In the past, mental illness has often been associated with the stigma of insanity or madness. The general public believed that people who suffer from anxiety, depression, OCD, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder should just 'snap out of it' because 'it's all in your head', and that positive thinking is enough to overcome such imagined maladies. After the recent advancement in brain imaging technology , scientists have been enabling psychiatrist to have better understanding of the brains and dysfunctions that may occur to the brain. Take a look at the brain images below and notice the difference between healthy brains and those riddled with illness.

In a 2013 BBC documentary entitled "The Truth About Depression," all known facts and beliefs about depression and other mental disorders in the past has now been proven to be inaccurate. The best outcome of this technology advancement is that now psychiatrists are able to treat the parts of the brain affected by the illness instead of prescribing medications that would affect the whole brain. Patients benefit from more precise and accurate dosing of medications. Watch the video below:

The problem with having a mental illness such as depression is when the word 'depression' has been popularly used by this generation to express sadness, disappointment, heartbreak, anger and most other negative emotions. In actuality, depression is not about all of the above. It's about the absence of vitality.

Mental illness also has had an adverse affect in the workplace.

The fact of reality is that 1 in 4 people suffer from some form of undiagnosed mental illness. With modernisation, comes extreme stress and acute anxiety and without the help of professional therapist and mental health professionals, most people are not able to cope with these conditions effectively on their own and can easily spiral out into a more complicated mental disorder. The first step is to educate the society at large about what mental illness is and how important mental health is for everyone. Then, it would be easier for those who need help to admit to themselves and their loved ones of their need for assistance and come forward to receive the treatment they need.

In the Name of Personal Freedom and the Right to be Yourself.

Helping out a friend. Click the link below to vote for her:

Project Live Your Life: Kate S.

Health Benefits of Singing

Scientists say singing boosts immune system. - Singing strengthens the immune system, according to research by scientists at the University of Frankfurt in Germany, published in the latest edition of the US Journal of Behavioral Medicine. The scientists tested the blood of people who sang in a professional choir in the city, before and after a 60 minute rehearsal of Mozart's Requiem.They found that concentrations of immunoglobin A - proteins in the immune system which function as antibodies - and hydrocortisone, an anti-stress hormone, increased significantly during the rehearsal. A week later, when they asked members of the choir to listen to a recording of the Requiem without singing, they found the composition of their blood did not change significantly. The researchers, who included Hans Guenther Bastian from the Institute of Musical Education at Frankfurt University, concluded singing not only strengthened the immune system but also notably improved the performer's mood.

Singing is good for you. - Many studies done over a number of years have focused on the health benefits of singing, and the evidence is overwhelming.

o   Singing releases endorphins into your system and makes you feel energized and uplifted.  People who sing are healthier than people who don’t.

o   Singing gives the lungs a workout,

o   Singing tones abdominal and intercostal muscles and the diaphragm, and stimulates circulation.

o   Singing makes us breathe more deeply than many forms of strenuous exercise, so we take in more oxygen, improve aerobic capacity and experience a release of muscle tension as well.” — Professor Graham Welch, Director of Educational Research, University of Surrey, Roehampton, UK.

Singing can help prolong life. - Graham Welch, director for advanced music education at London’s Roehampton Institute, states “Singing exercises the vocal cords and keeps them youthful, even in old age. The less age-battered your voice sounds, the more you will feel, and seem, younger.” He says that when you break into song, your chest expands and your back and shoulders straighten, thus improving your posture. Singing lifts moods and clears the “blues” by taking your mind off the stresses of the day, as well as releasing pain-relieving endorphins. As you sing along, the professor adds, your circulation is improved, which in turn oxygenates the cells and boosts the body’s immune system to ward off minor infections. And “it provides some aerobic exercise for the elderly or disabled,” Welch says. A recent German study has shown that active amateur group singing can lead to significant increases in the production of a protein considered as the first line of defense against respiratory infections, and also leads to positive emotional changes. “Given that every human being is, in principle, capable of developing sufficient vocal skills to participate in a chorale for a lifetime, active group singing may be a risk-free, economic, easily accessible, and yet powerful road to enhanced physiological and psychological well-being.”

Sing yourself happy and fit! If you have ever wondered why choral singers look to be on a high, here are some of the reasons. The health benefits of singing are well documented:

·      Singing improves your mood. It releases the same feel-good brain chemicals as sex and chocolate!

·      It is very effective as a stress reliever and improves sleep

·      Singing releases pain-relieving endorphins, helping you to forget that painful tooth/knee/whatever

·      Your posture improves

·      Lung capacity increases

·      Singing clears sinuses and respiratory tubes

·      Your mental alertness improves

·      Singing tones your facial and stomach muscles

·      It boosts your immune system, helping to fight disease and prolonging life expectancy

·      Your confidence increases 

Source: Barbershop Harmony Society

For those of you who would like to record your singing for your own personal sense of achievement, do visit  MY Voice.