Private Counseling Services

MY Confidential provides individual and marriage counseling services. Our counselors are skilled, trained and experienced in dealing with other concerns including:

Relationships
Adjustment Issues
Depression
Death or other loss
Past hurts
Worry
Anger
Procrastination
Time Management
Career Choices
Self-Esteem
Sexual identity/issues
Alcohol and Drugs
Family Issues
Burn-out
Life Goals
Marital Difficulties

We specialize in providing private counseling services for locals who need extra confidentiality and expatriates who prefer counselors who conduct counseling sessions in English or other ethnic languages.

To view our counselors profiles, please click Directory

Feel free to contact the principal via email for further information regarding the services available. All enquiries are welcomed. Although you might want to check out the FAQ to see if we've already answered your questions for you there. You may also contact the counselor of choice directly via their mobile phone numbers as listed in the directory. We are more than willing and able to be of assistance to those in need.

Relevant books, journals, research findings as well as articles related to mental health will be posted here periodically. Don't ever give up. Help is just a phone call away.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

The Dark Side of Creativity


We all have dreams, and many of them have this theme of trying desperately to do something that never seems to work out. While the dreams are going on, they seem so real, even though what is actually happening may have little to do with reality. Dreams, like all behaviors, are total behaviors. They should be called dreaming and, since they all take place in our heads, they are the thinking component of that total behavior. During dreams, we are mostly acting, but we are also thinking, we feel emotions, and our physiology are certainly normal for what we are doing.

Dreams are vivid examples of how creative all of us are. Dreams have no boundaries, little logic, and no necessary grounding in anything that could be called reality. Literally, anything can happen, but while it is happening, it all seems to make sense. Although researchers believe that dreams help us get the maximum rest from sleep, it is the inherent creativity they represent that is what this topic is all about.

A life without creativity would be hardly worth living. The creative system may operate when we are sleeping as in dreaming but what it does while we are awake is far more important. There is also the possibility this same system can cause us great harm as it goes about its business by creating painful and self-destructive total behaviors. This destructive creativity is most often seen when we want good relationships and are not able to get them.

For example, when we are lonely, there is nothing effective we can do to close the wound. But because there is nothing effective we can do does not mean we do nothing. This is exactly the situation for which our creative system evolved. It never shuts down or gives up. It keeps trying on its own to help us deal with our loneliness or anything else we want either by adding creativity to a behavior we already have or, at times, creating a whole new behavior that might be more effective in the given situation.

In many instances, it offers new actions and thoughts, which we can reject if we believe that what is offered will make things worse. It is difficult to reject what it offers, and often we could use counseling to help us, but we usually have enough voluntary control over our actions and thoughts to do this, especially if we are able to understand this is a choice. What I am talking about here is when we are offered violent or suicidal thoughts and actions that for us are very new. Also when we are offered psychotic or crazy thoughts or what is commonly called schizophrenia or bi-polar disease. Or when we obsess and compulse as we frequently do when we are lonely. And when we are exposed to a traumatic situation as in posttraumatic stress disorder and handle it painfully but creatively. In almost all instances, by improving our relationships, we may be able to reject these thoughts and actions. Many people do.

When we face a large frustration in a relationship, we don’t know what to do to reduce the frustration. We search our memories for an old behavior that has given us some relief in the past. In almost all instances, we immediately find depressing, a familiar behavior we learned as a child. But depressing is not an effective behavior, it hurts and immobilizes. Still, it gives us more relief than anything else we know, for three reasons.

First, depressing, and all other symptomatic behaviors, including arthritis, restrain a lot of anger, which, if unleashed, would make things worse. Second, these behaviors include a powerful call for help, and in many instances good counseling is effective. If we have an autoimmune disease we will also look for a doctor who may counsel or recommend counseling, which could be helpful. Third, these behaviors keep us from trying to do something we fear we may fail at. It’s easier to depress or to be sick than to look for a new relationship or a new job, especially if we’ve had some experience with rejection, which most of us have.

Although depressing gives us some control, it does so at a very high price: misery. Even as we depress, our misery and our continued frustration force us to keep looking for better behaviors. Even when we seem resigned to what has happened, we are not. It is not in our genes to accept a major frustration, such as an unsatisfying relationship, without getting our creative systems involved. Our creative system may not come up with something that is mentally or physically more harmful than depressing. But whatever it does, its purpose is to try to find a new total behavior that will lead to some resolution of the problem.

But besides physiological behaviors, it is far more common for us to be offered usually one, but sometimes a whole group of, psychological acting, thinking, and feeling behaviors by our creative systems. Together with depressing, psychiatrists call these total behaviors mental illness. Most of these total behaviors fall under the heading of neurosis; psychosis; or physical pain, such as headaching and backaching, for which there is no evidence of a physical cause.

If they are psychological, we may never, even with counseling, discover the reason we choose them, but it almost always has to do with a relationship problem. The problem does not have to be love; it may be that we want more care or less demanded of us, but whatever it is, an important relationship is not working for us. If you look for the unsatisfying relationship, you are on the right track. This is the usual method in our madness.

But because these behaviors, called mental illness, are offered does not mean we have to accept them. In psychosis, our creative system offers hallucinations and delusions, even physical creativity as in catatonia, and offers them so strongly it is hard for us not to accept them. If our lives are far out of effective control, it may be almost impossible for us to reject them. We need to restrain the anger. We often want help, and we can use the symptoms to avoid having to take care of ourselves or to look for and hold on to a new and necessary relationship. Good counseling can often persuade us to stop accepting the offered psychological creativity. But even with no help, not everyone who chooses to accept craziness stays crazy.

Hundreds of thousands of people who function very well today have had episodes of craziness in their lives. Millions more who have chosen to depress, phobic, obsess, compulse, anxietize, panic, and ache and pain with no physical basis for that pain no longer do so. Some start to refuse these creative offerings on their own, and many go to counselors. With counseling, they are able to gain enough effective control over their lives that they no longer choose these behaviors. Finally, the creative system may offer the idea of suicide: Get rid of the problem and, with it, the pain once and for all. People who commit suicide make their last creative move. But many of them, if offered counseling, would welcome it and avoid the final step.

Helping people to look at a psychological problem as a choice is a liberating awareness. The mystery, the fear that something beyond their control has suddenly come over them, is removed. They can now learn that other choices are possible, and acting on those new, more effective choices sets them free to explore lives with creativity that does not harm them.

- An excerpt from Choice Theory by Dr. William Glasser

Thursday, July 12, 2007

12 Irrational Beliefs That Cause and Sustain Neurosis

1. The idea that it is a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do -- instead of their concentrating on their own self-respect, on winning approval for practical purposes, and on loving rather than on being loved.

2. The idea that certain acts are awful or wicked, and that people who perform such acts should be severely damned -- instead of the idea that certain acts are self-defeating or antisocial, and that people who perform such acts are behaving stupidly, ignorantly, or neurotically, and would be better helped to change. People's poor behaviors do not make them rotten individuals.

3. The idea that it is horrible when things are not the way we like them to be -- instead of the idea that it is too bad, that we would better try to change or control bad conditions so that they become more satisfactory, and, if that is not possible, we had better temporarily accept and gracefully lump their exis tence.

4. The idea that human misery is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events -- instead of the idea that neurosis is largely caused by the view that we take of unfortunate conditions.

5. The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome we should be terribly upset and endlessly obsess about it -- instead of the idea that one would better frankly face it and render it non-dangerous and, when that is not possible, accept the inevitable.

6. The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities -- instead of the idea that the so-called easy way is usually much harder in the long run.

7. The idea that we absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than ourself on which to rely -- instead of the idea that it is better to take the risks of thinking and acting less dependently.

8. The idea that we should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects -- instead of the idea that we would better do rather than always need to do well and accept ourself as a quite imperfect creature, who has general human limitations and specific fallibilities.

9. The idea that because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it -- instead of the idea that we can learn from our past experiences but not be overly-attached to or prejudiced by them.

10. The idea that we must have certain and perfect control over things -- instead of the idea that the world is full of probability and chance and that we can still enjoy life despite this.

11. The idea that human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction -- instead of the idea that we tend to be happiest when we are vitally absorbed in creative pursuits, or when we are devoting ourselves to people or projects outside ourselves.

12. The idea that we have virtually no control over our emotions and that we cannot help feeling disturbed about things -- instead of the idea that we have real control over our destructive emotions if we choose to work at changing the musturbatory hypotheses which we often employ to create them.

(From The Essence of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, by Albert Ellis, Ph.D. Revised, May 1994.)

Quotes by William Glasser - Founder of Reality Therapy


Caring for but never trying to own may be a further way to define friendship.

Don't marry someone you would not be friends with if there was no sex between you.

Everybody needs one essential friend.

Good or bad, everything we do is our best choice at that moment.

If everyone could learn that what is right for me does not make it right for anyone else, the world would be a much happier place.

If you want to change attitudes, start with a change in behavior.

In a Glasser Quality School there is no such thing as a closed book test. Students are told to get out their notes and open their books. There is no such thing as being forbidden to ask the teacher or another student for help.

It is almost impossible for anyone, even the most ineffective among us, to continue to choose misery after becoming aware that it is a choice.

Sex is on the minds of most people, especially those who shouldn't be having it.

Too many of us fail to fulfill our needs because we say no rather than yes, or perhaps later in life, yes when we should say no.

We almost always have choices, and the better the choice, the more we will be in control of our lives.

We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun.

When we label anyone 'bad', we will have more trouble dealing with him than if we could have settled for a lesser label.

Without pay, no human being will work up to their ability if he or she is not cared for and respected.

Quotes by Albert Ellis - Founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy


Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.

I get people to truly accept themselves unconditionally, whether or not their therapist or anyone loves them.

If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic.

Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.

People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and that they'd much rather do other kinds of things. But most people are afraid of rejection.

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.

People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.

Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.

There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.

There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational.

We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.

We teach people to be flexible, scientific and logical in their thinking and therefore to be less prone to brainwashing by the therapist.